I love teenagers.

I have a heart for teenagers.
I love the way they are uninhibited, laughing hysterically, silly, into new trends, making new trends, facing life, fearful of life, ...loving life.
I think back when I was one of those...teenagers.
And then I get scared...
Lordy, Lordy...I was all of the above, but you can also add: fearless, risk-taker, dreamer, wild & crazy, knew no limits, took chances, "do now...think about it later" kind of...well, teenager, and then some (years that is).
Don't get me wrong. I was who I am now, in my heart...but just a lot more "none the wiser".
Oh how I had so much to learn! Yes, I thought I knew it all...boy did I!!!!
But guess what...I was wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. There, I said it. Yes, it's hard to admit it...but it's simply the truth. Just wrong...right about a "few" things, wrong about a lot.
I was indestructable...living life to the fullest.
Making CHOICES...one at a time.

This is where things started taking directions, with choices.
Choices...big ones, little ones, a lot of them...I made them all.
Some were good, some were bad...and then,
Some were just plain...
well...
stupid.

I'm almost 46 years old now...I've learned so much. And I have a lot more to learn.
In fact, I can bet, that I'll never stop learning.
This is where teenagers come in...
If I can help in some very small way...help them, steer them, guide them, advise them. Stop them from doing some of the things that so many of us (45) year olds look back and regret.
I don't live in total regret...I have made some wonderful choices along with the not so wonderful ones...but I've learned something---much--- from them all.

So here goes:
1. You don't know everything. I'm sorry to break this to you---it shocked me too. But, as much as I hate to admit it...it's true. Just take my word for it---please!
2. Since you don't know everything... stop long enough to actually listen to heartfelt advice from the people you repec; those that have high morals and Godly character. Find someone to trust, talk to them (an older, wiser person), let them help you...be patient, open-minded...and PRAY.
3. WHen you think you're 22 years old and time is running out to find that "perfect" one...STOP! Relax! It's not to late! Wait for the person that is perfect for you. GOd has a plan. He wants YOU to find that perfect one...made in HIS image, just for you! They're out there. Be still and know that God has a plan. 
     --Don't lower your standards.
     --DO NOT try to chage them! This will NOT work! They are who they are...if you don't like them this way, then think twice---three times---!!!ugggghhhhh
     --Don't change yourself FOR them. The day will come when you want yourself back! You are who YOU are...God gave you certain traits, personality, and talents that you should expand on. If you try to change for someone to please THEM, the day will come when you miss yourself...and that will be a sad day, (for you.)
     --WHen you find that "special one" look at their family...it's the total package. For real.
     --Find the one who you REPSECT and the one who RESPECTS you. If you don't know what respect means: Webster states that it is... high or special regard. When you look at that person, you should respect their character, their morals, their habits, their talents; you should respect every part of them.
     --Here goes...respect yourself enough to wait. (you know what I'm talking about) God made this part of marriage a very sacred event between a man and wife. Save yourself for the one,,,"THE" one. This is so important but so hard to explain...It's just what God intends for us to do and it should be held to the highest standard. It's meant to be special...a bond...for that ONE person. After marriage. Not before, "well-we're gonna get married anyway...well, I love him/her, so why wait..." No! Don't fool yourself. It is plainly stated in God's Holy Word. Wait. Each person should respect the other with this decision...mutual...just do it: save yourself, that is.
     --Marriage = support, encouragement, respect, admiration, lifting-up, sacrifice, selflessness, trials, victories, sharing, caring, patience, pride, and of course----GODLY LOVE.
4. Remember that it only takes ONE CHOICE to change your life forever. Don't play the game called "Do it now, worry about it later..." that outlook often ends up in a lifetime of "looking back". Think ahead...
5.  Be careful in all you do. You are not the "only" one it won't happen to. You are NOT indestructable.
6. Set goals...small ones each day...don't think ahead until you reach the one in front of you. Reach your goals. You will be proud.
7. Achievment is important! Strive to be the BEST YOU can be...you may not be "THE" best, but you CAN be "YOUR" best...Be proud of yourself. Do the things you would be proud of...the things that you see other people doing and you say : I wish I were more like that....be someone that YOU"RE PROUD OF.
8. Be a dreamer. Dreamers were the ones who gave us the "internet highway"..the way I'm writing this to you now....it's possible that YOU could be "THE ONE"! Go for it! Step out there...raise the bar...You can do it! It's a big, big world...with endless opportunities for all of us. Don't settle. Reach for the stars! And lean on the MAKER of the STARS.
9. There is a right AND a wrong. BOTH come with consequences. Be careful which one you choose...you will always endure the outcome of a choice.
10. Be caerful about what you LOVE the most...is it "things"??? Eventually, these "things" will stop satisfying...the most important things in life are not....THINGS. Love one another.
11. Last but not least...in fact, it's the most important thing in life: Trust GOD. He created you. He loves you. He wants the very best for you. He will Help you. Make sure he is in EVERY decision you make. Please Him. It's really simple...but yet so very hard...do the things that please Him, and don't do the things that you would be embarrased to do in front of Him. If He walked in the room with you, would you be ashamed? would you fall to your knees in complete and utter AWE and wonder, looking in the eyes of YOUR Savior? or would you even know it was Him?
I love teenagers.
Actually, not just teenagers...

These are my thoughts,
Dara
     --
      

Speak from my heart...

I've thought all day about what I should write tonight. I know the subject...I've just tried to figure out exactly the right words to say. I guess the best thing to do, is what I always do...speak from my heart and not from just my head.

There is someone special in my life...I will refer to this person as "them, they".

I am a better person because of them.
I am 45 years old and I look back through the years and know they've always been holding my hand...when it was small and as it turned big.
Through everything they've been there...never judging, never leaving, never missing.
I would love to be able to say that I was always there for them as well, but I can't.
Because I wasn't.
I'm sorry.
There were times when it would've been understood if they had walked away from me, left me alone, given up on me...
but they never---ever---did.
NEVER. Not Once.

They always gave me credit, support, encouragement...on all that I have ever chosen to do.
I don't think I deserve all that I have been given by them. 
As hard as life got, they never gave up, never gave in, never complained.
And it was very, very hard at times.
They've been alone--lonely--a caregiver--a single parent--a professional--an encourager--a nurse--a teacher--an unconditional, loving friend. They've been all of these things.
At every event, every ballgame, every birth, every sickness, everything that they needed to be at--they were there...everysingle time. Never complaining...just glad to be able to do it.
I admire you.
A smile, a tear, a hug...they knew when each of these was needed.
A firm hand, a "whoopin", a scolding...they knew when these were needed too.
I've always known, and I know to this very day that all I have to do is call...and they are there.
They will put everything down just to talk to me, to help me, to love me.
They are selfless and giving and compassionate.

There have been many empty years...between us, but deep inside our souls, we've always known a stronger bond---a silent bond. We are lucky. We are blessed.

And the most important thing...
this is who taught me how to love Jesus...
to count on Him, to lean on Him, to live for Him...and it was taught not only by words...but mainly and most importantly...
by example.
I look up to you...I count on you...i think of you...I pray for you...
but,
mostly...

My constant and forever my Hero and dearest friend...
I love you!

My mother...

These are my thoughts,
Dara

Something I was thinking about...

Something I was thinking about today:


I think about what God expects from me throughout each day. This may seem weird to some people out there...and it wasn't the way I lived my life for many years...but now, it is (and has been for quite some time). I can promise that my life is very different than it was before.
I do things I never did, and I "don't" do things I used to do. It's just a different way to spend my time here on Earth.
Something most people don't understand is that it's not about "NOT" doing certain things...it's about doing things that PLEASE God. There are so many people that don't turn their life toward God because they're not "ready" to give up certain things...but that's just not the way it is.
God wants you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE...right now.


I was talking with a dear friend today...we were talking about the misunderstandings surrounding so many aspects of being a Christian...
*Being a Christian doesn't mean that you will instantly become "perfect".
 You are, and always will be, a sinner. The difference is that as a christian, you are forgiven.
*Being a Christian doesn't automatically give you a  right to pass judgement to others...instead, your  heart should be filled with compassion for those that don't understand.
 Don't pass judgement-- try to pass on what Jesus did for you...think about it...it was infact Jesus himself, that said: "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do."...and then they hung Him on a cross and watched him die, while they laughed in his face...pretty deep, huh?
*Being a christian DOES mean to be Christ-Like. Jesus asks us to be like Him, to follow Him, to do as He did. As silly as it sounds..."What Would Jesus Do?" is quite profound.  We should teach the things that Jesus asks of us to those that don't have that knowledge...this can be taught by our actions AND by our words...
*Being a christian DOES mean you will go to heaven to spend eternity...GOD's word states clearly that "Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." So, everyone is eligible...but it is a CHOICE. Those that do not call upon the name of the Lord to become LORD of their life, will not enter heaven. You do not get to heaven through good works alone...you must know Jesus as your Savior. That's what it says...and it's nothing but the truth.
*Being a christian does not give you a permit to be "mean"...why is it that some "christians" are so mean? GOD IS LOVE...if He lives inside you, how can you be mean? Don't fool yourself...God knows your heart better than you do...(cough cough)
*Being a christian does not mean you get to "PICK" your sins, or "PICK" what part of God's word you want to live by...it's a BOOK from front to back...it's a law...it's all in there. Don't alter it, leave out, put in, assume, "maybe it means"...it's written in black and white (and red)...just read it and then live it...simple huh?.
*Being a christian means living with God's standards. Be careful, His standards are pretty high...in fact, to Him---hate is murder and lust is adultry...(oh dear).  In fact, "favoritism" is considered a sin...(it results from evil thoughts-it insults poeple made in Gods image-it goes against Gods definition of Love-it shows a lack of mercy to those less fortunate-it is hypocritical-it is a sin.) So...some things as simple as favoritism are sin and murder is sin...and to God...they're equally as bad as one another..all sin is measured the same...not one is more or less than the other. By the way...He will talk to you about these, all the things you did in this life that is, before you spend eternity with him...it's not my word...it's His. (CHOKE)
*Being a christian doesn't mean LIFE will be EASY. Life is Life...there will be problems-obstacles-mountains-valleys-victories-challenges-worries-tragedies---but there is a promise...Jesus can hold your hand through all of it...good AND bad. He will be there with you...ALL THE TIME.


That's a lot to swallow. So I'll stop for now.
I'm just thinking...that's all.
SO, in other words...These are My Thoughts.
Dara

Nothing profound...A simple day

I've slipped a little in my blog writing...School (mine and my kids) is full-speed ahead, along with basketball, my job, and just being a single mom...a little hectic to say the least, but thats my life and its just fine with me. Some people ask me how I fit it all in...I don't think I'd want it any other way. I believe that if I have 2 good legs, able to get out of the bed, see, hear, breathe, think coherently, and love....then I should do my very best at all that is laid in front of me. I feel it an HONOR and a PRIVLEDGE to be able to do all that I do. I do try to give God glory throughout each of my days...He has blessed me far above anything I deserve...I simply give back only a minute part of all He gives me. Just to sit here and think about all that I have, gives me such joy. (And I'm not talking about "things")


This life is the only one I have and I want to make the most of evey day. Sure, there are times I  sit back and relax and do nothing (when I can), and I enjoy doing that as much as I do anything else. I love to sit in my recliner and take a quick nap...I love to sit in silence sometimes... I love to sit back and simply listen to the sounds around me...balls bouncing off the wall from down the hall in Reed's room...pages flipping through a book from Anna Lee's room...the dryer spinning with freshly washed clothes...a car traveling down the road...those are the sounds that I love the very most. The sounds knowing my kids are safe and sound...and the sounds of life around me...some of those sounds will quickly fade as the years go by. I cherish them. I love my children.


The weather was beautiful today...I found myself just looking outside, or walking outside... savoring the beauty God gave us to enjoy. The sunset was profound and the sights and sounds of people stirring outside warmed my heart. It seems to give a sense of joy in the air when the weather is as beautiful as it was today. I watched outside, as Reed played around with the basketball a few times, then moved on to pitching the baseball..."practicing his curve ball" he told me...chasing birds in the yard...ahhh yes, pure satisfaction. 
My desire is that more people would stop and soak in the sights and sounds of simplicity...just being still...and quiet...it's worth far more than we realize.


Baseball starts tomorrow here in the valley. It's a great time of year...the sound of a ball hitting that metal bat and fans cheering their favorite player around the bases. From T-Ball to Varsity, it's the beloved all-American Sport...there's just something about baseball that makes you... well...smile. The smell of a freshly cut field...folding chairs and sunglasses...and of course the historical valley dog...ahhhhh...what a great time of year. It really is great to be a Valley Cub.

I love the fact that poeple feel comfortable enough to just "stop by" and see me in my home. I don't mind...I eargerly invite them, with an open door policy. I saw friends throughout today...coming and going...Friends are so important. Laughter and chit-chat, tears and advice, loving and learning...that's what friends are for. People of all ages enter my home...and I love them all. They (my friends) have always been there just when I needed them most, so I feel very lucky to be there for them whenever they need me...a gentle hug, or a shoulder to cry on, sharing a movie, a walk around the block, a simple snicker together, or even a belly-aching...tear-jerking outloud laugh...it's all good.


These are only a few of my thoughts for today...nothing profound, just a simple day...but another day nonetheless.  I'm thankful.
I'll be back soon...but for now...
These are my Thoughts.
Dara

My most prized possession...A story of perfection.

I once was asked what my most prized possession as a child would be.
After pondering through the years, I couldn't think of anything else but one special "thing".

As a young girl, I would spend alot of my summers with my grandparents.
I loved my time with them both...but there was something extra special about my grandfather.
My pawpaw.
Maybe it was the fact that he thought I hung the moon...or he could "fix" just about anything...or he never met a stranger...he taught me everything he could--from diggin up potatoes in the garden like a treasure hunt, to changing the oil in that 1973 Cadillac, to trimming the hedges just right so they would grow extra hearty the next year.
     Ahhhh, I remember the day so well.
It wasn't a birthday or Christmas or anything extra special like that...it was just an ordinary day.
I walked into my "pawpaw's" house and I heard that most precious sound of him calling my name. I loved to hear him say my name with that old southern drawl...I was onlyl 8 or 9 years old at the time but I remember  the sounds and the smells of my grand-dad.
I can still smell the Old Spice shaving lotion (the kind you put on your face with a brush...slap slap slap...and then easily shave it off with a straight edge razor). And I remember the sound of my name: "Dah-rah" with that wonderful slow, drawn out southern charm...it melted my heart every time.
     I walked into the room where he was waiting for me. 
He was holding a box.
He reached it out toward me...I didn't understand at first.
I knew money was taken very seriously and it wasn't a special day to receive a present.
He said, "here I've got something for you..."
I thought, "What could it be?" My little heart began pounding with anticipation...I gently took it from his withered hands and began to open it...with great care and somewhat hesitation...
"Well, go on" he said, "open it, it's just for you..."
My heart beat faster with each tug and pull...I thought I would explode.It wasn't every day, in fact it was rare that we were given something, just because...
As I pulled open the last flap, I saw it...
I saw a shiney, sparkling, black and silver, brand new, never used...it was unbelievable---just what I wanted! I was breathless!
It was a Zebco 202 fishing reel!
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever see!.
I looked at the box, and then looked up at my grand-dad. He reached toward the box to pull the new reel out, but I grabbed him first.
I just wanted to hold him...I knew it was a special day now.
A very special day.
As I stood there embraced with my grand-dad, I could feel our hearts beating together...and then I felt... a tear hit my forehead.
It was a special time indeed,..."our" special time.
     He sat down beside me, holding.that box.
He pulled that new reel out.
It was the best!
He showed me every single part and how each part worked. He made sure I knew that it was worth a lot more than just money. "Now you take care of this, you hear? It's your's. Your very own..."
I understood. I understood exactly.
     He went to the door, with his crooked little walk, and put on his straw hat, the one that was tattered through the years, the one that had his fingerprint embedded in the rim.
I knew.
He held his crooked hand out toward mine, and as he grasped my small hand, my heart beat almost out of my chest.
This was "our" special day.
Me and my grand-dad.
    Off we went, down to the lake. He caerfully, patiently, lovingly, showed me how to put that new reel onto a "not so new" rod (but who cares about that ole' rod)...
He showed me how to put the hook onto the fishing line with just the right knot...you had to take the line around the knot exactly 8 times, no more and no less and then feed it through to secure it into a fail-proof, lifetime warranty, fish gettin' knot.
He showed me how to put the plastic worm onto that big, scary hook...a 9" green worm that would catch a monster.
He would say: "now look at this here, here..." I loved when he said that. I never understood why he needed two "here's" but it didn't matter...he was perfect in every way.
    Then he grabbed 2 woven, lawn chairs. He took them (and us) down to the lake.
He opened my chair, it was green and in good shape...he opened his, it was white but it was getting tattered  and torn through the years... just like him.
The words stopped.
He patted my seat as if to say, "sit"...and of course, I did.
He sat down andpulled his chair close to mine. 
He gently held the new rod and reel in his hands.
He clicked the button and got ready to cast...he held it just right.
He tilted it backward ever so slightly past his balding head, wearing that straw fishing hat, and with a jerk of his wrist...click, the release, and then, "swoosh", the sound of a perfect cast...
I watched as the line flew across the air, as if in slow motion, and then hit the water ever so slight, with the softest "ker-plunk".
The worm hit the water and dived downward in a spinning spiral.
It was perfection...
sitting right beside me.

It was my turn.
His gentle hand, withered and worn, put the rod and reel into my hand.
He sat back in his chair, tilted his hat over his eyes, and sat with his head resting peacfully on the top of the chair.
He looked toward the heavens, with peace, and only the sound of air breathing through his slightly opened mouth. 
He listened.
He didn't move.

I tried to remember everything I had just seen.
And then I tried...the click, the tilt, the twist of the wrist, the release at just the right moment, the line hissing through the air, and the sweet sound of the "ker-plunk" in the water.
I did it!
I jumped in the air and looked back at my "pawpaw"--- he hadn't moved...
but underneath that tilted hat, I saw a half-cocked grin...
and a single tear falling from his chin.
I just stood there.
There were no words between us, none were needed...sometimes, you just know-even if you're only 8 years old. 
We both knew---together---this was a special day.

He stood- I reeled in my line- and he took my small, childish hand into his withered, wrinkled, and worn hand.
We walked back to the house, hand in hand--- as one.
I took one last look over my shoulder at the lake behind me, and then I looked up at my grand-dad...
I looked down at his hand, embraced with mine...
I had my most prized possession,...
it was the hand that held mine...
my grand-dad's. 

This story dedicated to Ennis Shaw Earwood - "Perfection"
THese are my THoughts,
Dara

Valentine's Day...the Day of LOVE! HUH?????

VALENTINE'S DAY


1. I believe this is a day set aside to boost the economy after the Christmas season.
2. I saw a man walking down the highway with a vase of flowers and a balloon...no car? no gas? but flowers...must be love...
3.  I saw way too much RED, PINK and WHITE today.
4. What are single people supposed to do on this day? Remember the good ole days???
5. So single people are destined to go into deep depression on this day?
6. So single, divorced, mom's are supposed to be content with a mere...nothing!!! on this day??? when married people and/or couples are out celebrating their great and wonderful dreamy eyed love for each other???
7. Wow.
8. What a silly day this is.
9. Can you tell I'm a little sarcastic today?
10. This is what happens on Valentines Day when you are at home ALONE, thinking about all the DATES going on in the REAL WORLD!
11. ON a good note: I did sell jewelry today for husbands to give the love of their lives...Like I said...a boost in the economy...point proven.
12.  By the way: what's a "CUPID"??? and when they shoot you with that arrow, I guess they prove that good ole' phrase..."LOVE HURTS"...


Oh well...I still had a good day! I got out of the bed, was able to walk, talk, breathe, go to a job, pray, smile, laugh, cry, hug my children, get mad, ... and... love.
Oh, and I did sneak a bit of chocolate...to me, from me...
Sorry, but not a lot of wisdom today...


There's always next year.
HAHAHAHAHA!


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! (COUGH< COUGH< GAG)
These are my Thoughts,
Dara

never say, "BUT..."

I think a lot about children.
My life is dedicated in a huge part, to children...some of my best times are spent with children. 
I love them.

There were years in my life that I could've never dreamed I would devote my life and my profession to these little, mini-me's. Infact, my mind was the furthest it could ever be from something so "crazy" as this. (And those that knew me years ago, would probably be obliged to agree.)
Sometimes we never know the plans God has for our future...and as far-fetched as things may seem, He is preparing us every day, for just that...our future...in more ways than one.
                             My future would involve kids of all ages. 
It began with 4th, 5th and 6th graders...then it expanded to high-schoolers and beyond.I didn't even KNOW THAT I LIKED these sometime alien-like beings...!!!
When I think about just the mere fact that I am sitting here writing this, it blows my mind! I'm telling you, this was NOT in my plans! But boy was I wrong!
These little lives have helped get me through some of the most devastating and troubling times of my life.
There were times when I didn't know if I could get up out of the bed, but then I would think of how they depended on me, and somehow, I could put one foot in front of the other.
They needed me...or was it really???... that I needed them.
There were days I would walk into this group of giddy, chatterbox, wide-eyed little humans and my day would totally change.
I would walk in with the weight of the world on my shoulder-- literally not knowing how I could muster up a mere smile, much less "teach"... and they would greet me with that unconditional, non-judgemental, never ending love, and a boundless energy of arms would wrap clear around me. 
It was on the days that seemed the hardest, the end, too much to bare---that I would receive a special note or a hand-made card, or a tear stained face would look up at me with nothing but love to give...and all my woes would somehow disappear. My heart would melt, I would hold them as if they were mine...I would cry with them, laugh with them, play with them, act goofy with them...
shoot, I was one OF them.
I loved them.
What would I do without them.


I watched this past year, my first 4th graders, graduate from high school.
I watched as they awkwardly approached their adolescence, eagerly approached young adulthood, and then hesitantly approached the real world of responsibility and those dreaded...choices.
I've watched them go from "boys have cooties", to "oooohhhh he's so cute", to "wow she's the one I want"...I've seen little league players grow into scholarship award-winning atheletes.
I've helped them through divorces, teenage problems, first-loves, lost loved ones, broken hearts, lost pets, broken bones, life's hard-knocks, illnesses, and cancer. I've even seen a few pass from this life to life eternal.


But the thing that stands out amongst all of this as the greatest pleasure and privledge, is that I have been there when many of them have given their life to Jesus Christ...
I remember the little boy that so shyly but desperately came up to me, all alone he fought his way through the sea of laughing children and with one tear dripping off his face, said the words, "I want to be saved."
I remember holding the shaking hands of the child that "needed Jesus"...
I remember the uncontrolable sobs of a young teenage boy saying, "help me! I need Him."...
I remember holding my end of the phone, leading a desperate teenage girl to Christ (over the phone!)
I remember crying outloud with a desperate teenager full of pain from a family broken... from a heart that was breaking... from pure desperation...
I remember the prayer of a child, bowing that precious head and asking Jesus to come into their heart, and the smile on their face the minute they realized they were a child of the King..
I remember the group of girls that came to me- as one, and they all "wanted to get things right in their life" and they wanted to do it together.


My heart is warmed by the memories of singing together at camp-fires, lifting our voices loud to the heavens, raising our hands to the one most high, hanging our necklaces on the cross, coming forward one by one to light a candle on our hand-made lighthouse... pushing our candlelit testimony fish into the moonlit lake...putting together our hand painted boards to make the magnificant bridge, washing feet in the early morning hours in the edges of a lake when you could hear a pin drop, christmas plays, thanksgiving feasts,"Chic n chats", Christmas parties, incredible worship, silly little dances, ice cream faces, shaving cream hair-do's, scavenger hunts, jumping off the pier, "letting" them push me off the pier, swimming across the lake (and back), lock-ins, ice skating, and trivia games.


And then, I fondly remember one of the most meaningful moments in my life: it was during the hardest part of my life...I was going through my divorce and it just seemed like my world was crashing around me. We were at summer camp, the highlight of the year...and it was last night of camp, the highly anticipated bonfire service.
We've all felt like what we did doesn't matter, that it was time to move on, that "I" didn't make a diffference.
I was having a really hard time...and this is truly how I felt.
I had decided that when we returned from camp, it would be time for me to move on...I wasn't the one for this...I wasn't making a difference. I even took a dear friend by the hand, pulled her aside, and told her my plans...I asked her to tell no one, and I know that she didn't.
It was the bonfire service...and we were in the middle of a service that I believe was straight from God.
It's the time at camp where you are invited to stand and tell your story---what camp meant to you, how you feel about Jesus...pretty much just a time to give your testimony, share your heart...it's your turn to just be "you".
I listened with a heavy heart as I felt this would be the last bonfire service I would lead...
Person by person stood and began to share their hearts, and it wasn't long before I realized what was happening...
almost every person that had stood, and was still standing one by one...had mentioned MY name somehwere in their story...
"thank you Ms. Dara for..."
"when I prayed with Ms. Dara..."
"when Ms, Dara led me to the Lord'...
"I don't know what I'd do without Ms. Dara..."
on and on and on...
I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that GOD was sending me a BIG message!
                              You DO make a difference Dara!

My head dropped and tears FELL onto the dirt beneath my feet...God's dirt, I was standing on

 HOLY GROUND...

 My heart was about to beat out of my chest...and with my heart I said, "OK God, I hear you...but..."

I should never have said it..."BUT"

...He always proves his point...

And in the midst of my tears, there it was:
(a friend of mine was leading music that night, and she stopped the service-without prior instruction)- and said something I couldn't believe...
"Dara, I hope you don't mind, but I just felt that we need to do something right now...I feel like God has told me to stop and pray for you, Dara...lift YOU up to Him...I don't know why and I don't understand it, but I want to do that if you don't mind..."
and as I sat in my tear drenched spot, I began to feel the precious, small, delicate, hands of each child as they placed it on my back, on my arms, holding my hands, touching my hair...
they were laying they're hands on ME,
they were there for ME,
they didn't even know how much I needed them!
and they were there! My GOD! This is way too much!
They began to pray, outloud, with their innocent-non judgemental-loving voices...
they were praying just for ME..
they didn't even know why...it was simply just a prayer of LOVE.
The hands of GOD were literally ALL OVER ME!!!
He was giving me one last "touch" of assurance...through those children...that I INDEED, did make a difference...
it wasn't time...
He would let me know when that time would come...
but it definately wasn't up to me.
He made that loud and clear....He's GOD, you know.


So here I sit...8 years later.
Still spending a HUGE part of my life in the midst of children...every single day.
I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams...
My life is so FULL.
I love them...and I will simply, "Be still and KNOW that HE IS GOD..."


Jesus loves the little children, ALL the children of the world...
and so do I!


These are my thoughts...
Dara
dara

Take another route home...He has plans.

Whew...I'm in my chair finally. It has been a somewhat eventful day.
I decided at 6:30am to make a quick trip over to the big A.T.L. (Atlanta) to pick up some goodies for my upcoming Jewelry Show.
Anna Lee went with me...we don't really see each other much anymore. She's in college, working, homework, etc...and I'm the same...but in opposite directions. So after taking Reed to school, we headed out. It was to be a quick trip.  
We actually thought we had done well...we were on our way back home by 1:30. We were going to miss RUSH HOUR traffic in Atlanta, we were going to get home just in time for Reed to get home from school, and in time to go to a basketball game or do some homework.
All was well...
But somewhere down the line, I missed my exit (I-20).
I didn't even realize it...
I think it was when I had a big itch on my back and I was telling Anna Lee to go "up", "no down", "right", "over"...and so on...
On the left we passed a large ballfield...Anna Lee said: "What field is that?" I said, "I don't know...maybe some high school or something." (I've been to Atlanta for 20 years and have never passed that field on the way home....but it didn't register) About 20 minutes later Anna Lee said" Look, I've never noticed that J.C. Penneys outlet" I said, "Me either, hmmmm..."
Earth to Dara... EARTH TO DARA!!!! and then we both looked at each other and said, "actually, none of this looks familiar...where are we???".
 Lordy! We were long gone by this time...actually we ended up about 45 minutes out of sorts in Jonesboro, Ga. We stopped conveniently at a Dunkin Doughnuts...(I promise it was the only place that looked 'inviting', to get directions---hahahaha)---so our 2 hour ride home ended up taking about 4 hours (and that included the bumper to bumper traffic from just outside Atlanta into Douglasville...uggggg).
Not what I had planned really... but nevertheless, we laughed alot, mainly at each other...sang the National Anthem and the theme from ANNIE loudly in the car, took 'pics' while stopped in traffic, checked on Reed a million times, talked about some old times... and some new times, talked about the future.. it was, just good.


Maybe that's what God intended for today...
after we FINALLY got home, while Reed and Justin were at the ballgame, I needed to do homework (yes, I'm in college) and so we both went to the college computer lab and worked for 3 hours.
Not a lot going on at the campus tonight.
We laughed at our exciting Friday night! HA! Really, we were the ONLY ones anywhere in sight. But we did get a lot accomplished. In fact, on the way home at 9:30pm Anna Lee said, "Well, it's been a good day..." I smiled at her and said, "Yep it really has."


It probably would've been easy to get upset about the change of plans, but I've learned so much throughout my years.
My mother just so happened to call me THIS MORNING on the way to Atlanta just to chit chat and she reminded me of something that happened to me several years back today: funny how it TOTALLY RELATES TO THIS VERY DAY!!!!


    It was April, 1994... I was on my way home from grocery shopping one evening, when the weather took a drastic turn (as it often does in ALabama during April). I was heading in the direction of this fierce storm...I actually saw the sky "cut" in half...black on top, clear on bottom...and then a funnel cloud developed right in front of me. I pulled to safety and waited for it to subside...when it was clear, I headed home again.
I came to the familiar train-tracks I crossed every day. I always stopped, no matter what, at those tracks...and I did this time as well. The car behind me was very impatient, revved up his engine and sped around me and traveled fast in front of me, over the tracks and out of sight.
I continued my small journey.
It was quickly getting dark, and the storm was almost over...but still very windy and an eerie feeling int he air.
I was quite scared and was anxious to get home...
as I came around the curve close to my house, there was something blocking the road.
It was a HUGE tree that had been uprooted from the storm.
I slowed down...and as I approached closer I saw something underneath the heaps of tree limbs from the huge tree...it was a car, trapped underneath.
Oh dear, it was the same car that sped around me at the tracks...there were people running over to the car
  My heart was beating out of my chest... I turned my car around, and drove away (after I knew the driver was getting proper help---I actually called the the police department at the nearest pay phone). I wanted to get myself and my daughter, Anna Lee (about 3 years old at the time) home safely.
I suddenly had the most vivid image and a thought that took my breathe.
I pulled over in a vacant lot and just sat there in the dark for a few minutes.
I realized what had just happened.
If I had not stopped (like I always did) at those tracks...that wouldve been me and my 3 year old daughter underneath that tree.
Wow. There were plans for me and my daughter, ones I didn't know about...but there were plans.
God is always in complete control. Thank you Jesus...


So today, as we drove 2 hours out of the way:
I didn't get upset...
I didn't get mad...
I simply turned around and went toward home a different route (again, 16 years later)...
maybe that's what God intended...for whatever reason, he has plans..
Who am I to ask?
I'm just...
THANKFUL.


For now,
These are My Thoughts...
Dara

YES...I...DO!!!

It was 1978 and I was at a revival. The choir was singing, I was with friends...I was 13 years old.
The preacher gave a message, I don't remember what it was about. The next thing I remember is turning toward my friend and asking her if she'd go to the front of the church with me. There were alot of people going...I felt the emotions and I wanted a part of it. I went to the front of the church with my friend. It was new and exciting.
I went home and told my mom I had been saved that night. I was baptized a week or two later. I told my friends at school about being saved and I tried to stop doing some of the "bad" things I had been doing...I wasn't really doing "bad" stuff , I was 13.


Years went by, I continued to go to church as a teenager for the next, say, 2 years.
As I got older, other things began taking my interests... and my time.
Before I knew it, I was gradutating from high school (1983) and living a life far from that "decision" I made as a 13 year old...the CHOICES I was making were not those of someone living a life with Christ... "I'll get back to Him soon", I thought so many times. "But right now I've got to 'live my life'...
.
Moving along to 1989...(as I've written in an earlier post 'Turning Point'), I was married in June of this year. My marriage, nor anything else in my life was chosen with God in the forefront. I was stumbling through a life of regret, living for the moment, making decisions based on selfishness/lies/and deceit. Oh, and I went to church, many times every year. I got married in a church. I went to church...if there wasn't something I was doing that day...


The year was 1991, I had a daughter. I loved her with every ounce of my breathe...I talked about God and sang the songs of Jesus to her. I even dedicated her to the church. My actions far outweighed my words. Again, not those of a life filled with Christ. But I still went to church, not ALL the time, but sometimes. We lived out in the country, it was a long drive.
Time went by...
Oh don't get me wrong, I went to church, sometimes. I sang. I prayed. I loved Jesus. I knew about Jesus. I taught and discussed Jesus, I was a good person, fun-loving, life of the party, everything was cool...But things in my life were spiraling out of control...day after day it seemed to get worse. I knew something was not right...something BIG was missing. I tried to "fix it""I" tried...


Fast forward...and believe me, it really does go by fast...
The year was 1999...I was pregnant again, this time with a baby boy. After years of self-service and living a somewhat double-standard life, I knew something needed to be "fixed"!
Things were just not right...nothing seemed right.
I knew what I had been taught, but I wasn't doing those things; I did good things, helped people, loved people, but where was Jesus in all this? Uh, He was there...I prayed to him...when I needed him...I knew about him, alot about him. I even told other people about him...


I entered the doors of a church in 1999 and my life began to change. I wanted more for my life, my family, my future. I started living a life more pleasing to God...I quit all those "bad" things. My focus was on my family, my children, my church...for the first time, I thought things were going in the right direction. I started helping out in church...I sang. I prayed. I loved Jesus. I knew about Jesus. I learned more about Jesus...I went to church...a lot.


And along the way, I kept thinking about that night long ago...1977...
when I walked the aisle as a 13 year old girl.


As I began learning more and more about Jesus, my heart began to do things I wasn't familiar with. At times, it beat faster and faster...I had sweaty palms...clinching fists...there was a pattern it seemed,
it was every time I heard anything about heaven or eternity or


         "Do you know where you will spend ...              E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y?


Well, I think I do??? I walked that aisle when I was 13...No, I don't remember what I did once I got there. But I think I was saved...I'm pretty sure that's what it was.
No I didn't stay close to God.
Yes, I kinda strayed...well, YES, I DID stray away.
But it's ok right? Because I walked that aisle...I did!!!!


It was 2001.
I was in a service one night.
That dreaded moment came...the invitation...you know? It's the time when they ask you that question---
"Do you know where you will spend...? I didn't even hear the rest.
NO! I'm 36 years old...I have 2 kids, I am a Sunday School teacher, I sing in the choir, I do ALOT in the church!!! I went down an aisle a long time ago and---I think---I know???---I was saved. I said something when I got to the alter that night long ago...I think
.
And then I heard it.
Again. It sounded so far away... in the distance. My ears were ringing, I thought my heart was going to beat OUT OF MY CHEST!
"Do you know, beyond a SHADOW OF A DOUBT, that if you DIED---DIED!!!! tonight, where you would spend E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y?"
My heart skipped a beat, maybe 2.  I was gripping the pew in front of me with both hands so tight my hands were pouring sweat. I felt weightless. I was So SCARED!
NO!!!!
NO!!!  I didn't know!
Not for sure????
But I was 36 years old...I couldn't do this...my pride, my vanity...who cares!
I want to KNOW JESUS!
Not just know ABOUT HIM!
I want to KNOW....HIM!!!!!
I wanted to spend ETERNITY WITH HIM!
Somehow, I stepped out from my safety spot. I couldn't feel my legs.
I grabbed "JAN" by the hand and said, "I need Jesus."
We kneeled and prayed:
"Lord, I KNOW I AM A SINNER. I KNOW YOU DIED FOR ME. I WANT YOU TO SAVE MY SOUL. I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR YOU. I REPENT OF MY SINS! Thank you Lord Jesus for SAVING my soul! A M E N."


I began my life that day.
I gave my whole life to Jesus Christ.
I decided that very moment that I would live not just knowing about him, but living to please Him and FOR Him.
As of October, 2010, I have been a TRUE child of GOD for 9 years.
I serve him every single day.
It's not just about a prayer, words, emotions...It's a LIFE CHANGE...You MUST HAVE A CHANGE in your life!!!!
It's about giving your life to him. He becomes LORD of your life. It's not about YOU anymore.
Repentance: turning from one direction, and going the other...going toward HIM, every step you take. It's a constant pursuit, a race...running after Him, searching for HIm and what He wants from YOU!
Jesus wants a RELATIONSHIP with you...not just a "call me if you need me" friendship.
He CREATED us to Give him the Glory for everything in our lives.
Everything we do and say should GLORIFY HIM...study his word...talk to him...search for Him. Tell others about Him.
Life isn't perfect. We are not perfect. There have been very unfair, heart wrenching things that have still happened even after I gave my life to Him. But now, there is true hope...true guidance...a different way of looking at things, and accepting them.
Every breathe I take is because HE gives it to me. The very least I can do is give back to Him.
And so I do...simple as that.
It's not about ME anymore, it's ALL about HIM.
ALL.
My life is richer, fuller, more peaceful, more joyful, more content than I could've ever imagined.
God blesses me constantly...the way HE see's fit. And I accept it with open arms. It's not about "things", "money", "fame", it's about HIM---love, joy, comfort, power, peace, compassion, selflessness.
WOW! It's hard to even put into words. My heart is busting.
My strongest deisre in this life is to TELL THIS STORY...the one about JESUS, to others. My constant goal is to hopefully share enough, that people will understand KNOWING JESUS...LIVING FOR HIM...not just saying a few lines of empty words and then getting up and dusting their knees off. It's so much more than that...It HAS to be REAL!
Don't fool yourself into believing that a few words will get you to heaven. It's simply not true. It's much more than that. It's living a life for Him...serving Him...making him Lord, #1.
And something not to forget, don't wait til YOU FEEL like changing...He wants you NOW. Just the way you are NOW. Let him help CHANGE you later...But give Him your LIFE now.
It's not about religion...it's about HIM...Jesus.


Since that night, October 2001...when I hear that question...
"Do you know where you will spend eternity?"
 I ALWAYS, UNDENIABLY say...
Yes...    
   I...   
    Do


Jesus Loves Me, This I Know.
And for now,
These are my Thoughts.
Dara

Learning to live ... and love with A.D.H.D.

A.D.H.D.---just what do those 4 initials stand for?
Attention.....Deficit.....Hyperactivity.....Disorder
What? My child?
Whatever...no way...I don't believe in that stuff...A good old fashioned "tail-whoopin" will do the trick...I'm not giving my child medicine, I don't wanna dope em' up...We'll work it out...That's all a bunch of new words for bad behavior...


I remember the very first time I ever heard this term:
about 20 years ago and a co-worker was talking about her 2 children having ADHD... "What is that?"  She told me it was like forgetfullness, her children couldn't brush their teeth without being told multiple times, they would go into a room for a reason and forget why (over and over)...
I didn't buy it...AT ALL!!!!!
I didn't say anything outloud, but I thought...HMMMMM...sounds like a belt is what they need.
Get some control mom!!!!
And then she said they were on medication for it: Good grief! I thought...are you crazy???


Fast forward to the year 1999.
I was 34 years old and had tried getting pregnant for 7 years. I had gone to a fertilization doctor and 2 weeks after my consultation visit, I was pregnant! (Talk about a good doctor!) 
Just kidding...it was simply God's plan.
Remember I said I had tried to have a baby for 7 years? Can I tell you what the #7 means scripturally?
It means PERFECTION.
It really does.
On July 29th, 1999...I had the most PERFECT little baby boy...gorgeous olive skin and a head full of black hair. I was in heaven. I remember the second I heard him cry. I erupted into a wailing cry...I had waited for so long, and I loved this baby beyond words.
He was perfect!


12 hours later:
When the nurse handed him to me for the first time, I took my precious boy and he pushed his feet against my hand and stood up full throttle in the palm of my hand, his legs were so strong...I thought, this is weird but he's perfect.
It took 4 nurses to hold him down to give him blood work.We laughed...but the nurses weren't laughing so much.
We came home and 4 days after being born he had a double ear infection and was deeply conjested. The nurses said it was "infant mucus"...I didn't agree. The doctor didn't agree, he gave my 5 day old baby antibiotics...not a good sign.
My baby was up every hour...crying. Doctor visit after doctor visit...we couldn't figure out why he was so unsettled. The doctors didn't know. He was just a "cryer"...is what I was told.
Night after night of no sleep...crying and NOT being able to figure out why!
We'd play a while, cry awhile...both of us...holding each other...just crying.
At 3 weeks old, we tried soft cereal...to satisfy...nothing helped.
He was still up every1-2 hours...crying...screaming...
This went on for 2 and a half years.
I cried, we cried, he cried, my friends started staying away, feeling awkward around us, not wanting to do things with us...my baby cried...all the time, in restuarants, on vacations, in the car, at church, everywhere.
It wasn't colic.
It was unexplainable...everyone that tried to help, would say the same exact thing...almost word for word---"It's like he cant be satisfied."
and he couldn't. 
Maybe for a little while, a few minutes. But every half hour-hour he would cry, whine, make that loud whaling noise...I can still hear it now, that same pitch, over and over!
I didn't know what to do!
What can I do for you?!!??!!
Why won't you just be satistifed!???
Why won't you stop?!!!
He turned over at 4 months, he crawled at 6 months, he walked at 9 months...wow! He must be a genious!


I did find something finally, that would help (at least for while)...balls. He loved any kind of ball...I know all little boys do. But this was almost fanatical...As long as he had a ball to hit, throw, catch, roll...things were better.
I still remember the day we were helping Anna Lee, his sister, with softball out in the front yard.
Reed was 18 months old and wanted to "play" so bad...so we gave him a bat and pitched him a ball...he hit it clear across the yard into the street...we were speechless.


He was 2, then 3, then 4...we cried our way through the years.
Don't get me wrong...there were plenty times we hugged and snuggled and played and smiled...but the tears-unsatisfiable emotions, constant behavior issues were there far more than any other people we knew.
We were overwhelmed...many people would ask, "what are you gonna do?" or "I don't know how you do it"
...he was my son.
My baby.
My perfect little boy.
I did it because of all that. There was simply no choice, nor would I had ever wanted any other choice.
I just had to figure it out.


It was time for kindergarten. He was still...well, how was this going to work? He BOUNCED off the walls. He couldn't--wouldn't sit still. He was short tempered. He wouldn't listen.
Maybe the teachers could help
1st day of school: to the principal's office...
Happened again...and again...
I was called in for a teacher's conference...of course...I knew it was coming. He had frowny faces almost every day. My little boy...I wish I could help!
I met with the teacher, "he won't listen, he won't sit still, he's not going to learn..."
Why didn't she understand!!! This is my child you're talking about...(but I knew it was true)
I tried everything at home that I could possibly do.  Nothing changed. Lord, please...
The teacher suggested holding him back.
No.
He was playing any sport he could..."getting that energy out", maybe that will help.
The coaches told me, "He's hard to coach..." Oh Lord, not you too! That's what he loves the most! Please be patient, I know he can do it!


1st grade...same thing...my heart was breaking for my child. Sad faces, red lights, notes sent home, teacher meetings, heartache, helplessness...
Beginning of 2nd grade...sent to office 2nd week of school.
Then...an angel. 
His teacher called me and said, "Dara, I've watched him for 2 weeks, and I 'know' that he can't help some of the things he's doing...he needs to get out of his seat and walk around...he needs to sharpen his pencil, he needs to walk down the hall for a minute...if  it's ok, I'm going to allow him to do these things within reason?" Are you serious? You're going to try to HELP my child? You're not MAD!!!!??? You actually like my child?
Thank you God.
I took Reed to the doctor the next week, to a neurologist.
After a series of testing (EEG, blood work, ADHD testing) it was determined that he indeed did have that "crazy disease" that I had heard of long ago. The EEG even showed that he was having sleep siezures. His body would "twitch" for hours, from his head to his toes and back again.
Yes, it was highly suggested that he be put on a low dosage of medication. And yes, I was VERY hesitant. But I tried it...he tried it.
After 3 days, his teacher called.
Oh Lord, not again...
"dara, he's not even the same little boy. He is sitting in his chair, he's listening and learning, behaving...he's going to be just fine." I sat on the couch and cried, hard, like a baby...it had been 7 years....again...7 years...there's that number again...
He couldn't help it!
It wasn't HIS fault...it wasn't MY fault!
He had a disease and I believed it!
I studied ADHD and I thanked God for showing us how to handle it. Yes, I thanked God!
He started catching up with the other students in class...
He still played sports...I think his heart beats FASTER when he has a ball in his hand!!! ANd just for the record: He's really good. :)
It was 3rd grade. He took the SAT and the scores came in. His teacher called me in...
again...a teacher calling me in...
"Dara, I was skimming over the scores and saw a student whose score was incredibly high, I looked to see who it was, and it is Reed."
Are you kidding me? Are you sure? They wanted to hold him back! He couldn't learn! He has ADHD...
He was introduced into the Gifted program the next year and into the DUKE TIP program in which he'll take the A.C.T. in the 7th grade and he was submitted by a teacher to be in the Student Leadership of America team.
To God be the Glory...


Well of course, there's still been trials...
one teacher called me in (again) and said, "HE's going to have to learn self control!" I smiled, and said kindly, "he has ADHD...that's what he's missing. But I'll be sure to give him his medication each day."
I know it's hard to understand...I know it's overdiagnosed, I know it's controversial...
But I KNOW...that my child has it. and it's been hard. it's still hard. every day is a challenge.


But we've learned to make necessary changes...we set small goals (Pick up 3 things in your room--instead of 'pick up your room!')...make challenges, goals.
Don't expect the same from an ADHD child as someone without it. You will be dissapointed.
It's hard on the other siblings. Talk with them...educate them about ADHD.
Don't get mad because they need to walk around...and around....and around. They NEED to.
Don't be ashamed.
Don't deny. They need you.
You will need to rearrange your schedule, help them out. Take your time.
Don't "baby" them...there's a very fine line. and there's a difference...
Choose your battles wisely.
Go those extra steps...it's not about you!
If your child had diabetes, would you give him insulin?  Think about it...
Count to 10...a lot.
Smile, encourage, hug, keep your mouth closed sometimes, reward...
Find that 'somethin'g that makes them tick...(balls, a challenge, a competition) support and encouarge !!!!!
P...A...T...I...E...N...C...E...
Remember what my co-worker told me 20 years ago??? about brushing teeth? Well, yes, I tell him about 20 times each day to brush his teeth...and he forgets or gets distracted, 19 times...

The years have gotten better...Reed sometimes is still misunderstood, misbehaved and rather fiesty (to say the least), but he is also...loved, respected, accepted...just because he's "Reed". SOmeone recently looked at a picture on my wall of Reed, and while pointing at the picture, said, "That one's gonna make you proud one day..." I smiled, and said..."He already does."


I love my special...little, olive skinned, brown hair, brown-eyed, , strong0willed, ADHD boy.
And oh yes, that #7  ?????
REED MURPHY---Perfection at it's best.


for now,
These are my Thoughts
Dara